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Bill W. Speaks of Pearl Harbor
Lecture 29 -As Given at the Yale
School of Alcohol Studies
June 1945 -By Bill W.
My first task
is a joyous one; it is to voice the sincere gratitude
that every member of Alcoholics Anonymous present feels
tonight that we can stand in the midst of such an
assembly. I know that in this assembly there are many
different points of view, that we have social workers,
ministers, doctors and others - people we once thought
did not understand us, because we did not understand
them. I think right away of one of our clergyman
friends. He helped start our group in St. Louis, and
when Pearl Harbor came he thought to himself, "Well this
will be a hard day for the A.A.'s." He expected to see
us go off like firecrackers. Well, nothing much happened
and the good man was rather joyously disappointed, you
might say. But he was puzzled. And then he noticed with
still more wonder that the A.A.s seemed rather less
excited about Pearl Harbor than the normal people. In
fact, quite a number of the so-called normal people
seemed to be getting drunk and very distressed. So he
went up to one of the A.A.'s and said, "Tell me, how is
it that you folks hold up so well under this stress, I
mean this Pearl Harbor?" The A.A. looked at him, smiled,
but quite seriously said, "You know, each of us has had
his own private Pearl Harbor, each of us has known the
utmost of humiliation, of despair, and of defeat. So why
should we, who have known the resurrection, fear another
Pearl Harbor?"
So you can see
how grateful we are that we have found this resurrection
and that so many people, not alcoholics, with so many
points of view, have joined to make it a reality. I
guess all of you know Marty M. by this time. I shall
always remember her story about her first A.A. meeting.
She had been in a sanatorium under the care of a
wonderful doctor, but how very lonely she felt! Somehow,
there was a gap between that very good man and herself,
which could not quite be bridged. Then she went to her
first A.A. meeting, wondering what she would find; and
her words, when she returned to the sanatorium, in
talking to her friend, another alcoholic, were: "Grenny,
we are no longer alone. " So we are a people who have
known loneliness, but now stand here in the midst of
many friends. Now I am sure you can see how very
grateful for all this we must be.
I am sure that
in this course you have heard that alcoholism is a
malady; that something is dead wrong with us physically;
that our reaction to alcohol has changed; that something
has been very wrong with us emotionally; and that our
alcoholic habit has become an obsession, an obsession
which can no longer reckon even with death itself. Once
firmly set, one is not able to turn it aside. In other
words, a sort of allergy of the body, which guarantees
that we shall die if we drink, an obsession of the mind
which guarantees that we shall go on drinking. Such has
been the alcoholics dilemma time out of mind, and it is
altogether probable that even those alcoholics who did
not wish to go on drinking, not more than 5 out of 100
have ever been able to stop, before A.A.
That statement
always takes me back to a summer night at a drying out
place in New York where I lay upstairs at the end of a
long trail. My wife was downstairs talking with the
doctor, asking him, "Bill wants so badly to stop this
thing, doctor, why can't he? He was always considered a
person of enormous persistence, even obstinacy, in those
things that he wished to achieve. Why can't his will
power work now? It does work even yet in other areas of
life, but why not in this?" And then the doctor went on
to tell her something of my childhood, showing that I
had grown up a rather awkward kid, how that had thrown
upon me a kind of inferiority and had inspired in me a
fierce desire to show other people that I could be like
them; how I had become a person who abnormally craved
approval, applause. He showed her the seed, planted so
early, that had created me an inferiority-driven
neurotic. On the surface, to be sure, very self
confident, with a certain amount of worldly success in
Wall Street. But along with it this habit of getting
release from myself through alcohol.
You know, as
strange as it may seem to some of the clergy here who
are not alcoholic, the drinking of alcohol is a sort of
spiritual release. Is it not true that the great fault
of all individuals is abnormal self-concern? And how
well alcohol seems temporarily to expel those feelings
of inferiority in us, to transport us temporarily to a
better world. Yes, I was one of those people to whom
drink became a necessity and then an addiction. So it
was 10 years ago this summer that the good doctor told
my wife I could not go on much longer; that my habit of
adjusting my neurosis with alcohol had now become an
obsession; how that obsession of my mind condemned me to
go on drinking, and how my physical sensitivity
guaranteed that I would go crazy or die, perhaps within
a year. Yes, that was my dilemma. It has been the
dilemma of millions of us, and still is.
Some of you
wonder, "Well, he had been instructed by a good
physician, he had been told about his maladjustment, he
understood himself, he new that his increasing physical
sensitivity meant that he would go out into the dark and
join the endless procession. Why couldn't he stop? Why
wouldn't fear hold such a man in check?"
After I left
that place, fear did keep me in check for 2 or 3 months.
Then came a day when I drank again. And then came a time
when an old friend, a former alcoholic, called me on the
phone and said that he was coming over. It was perhaps
right there on that very day that the Alcoholics
Anonymous commenced to take shape. I remember his coming
into my kitchen, where I was half drunk. I was afraid
that perhaps he had come to reform me. You know,
curiously enough, we alcoholics are very sensitive on
this subject of reform. I could not quite make out my
friend. I could see something different about him but I
could put my finger on it. So finally I said, "Ebby,
what's got into you?" And he said, "Well, I've got
religion." That shocked me terribly, for I was one of
those people with a dandy modern education which had
taught me that self-sufficiency would be enough to carry
me through life, and here was a man talking a point of
view which collided with mine.
Ebby did not go
on colliding with me. He knew, as a former agnostic,
what my prejudices were, so he said to me, blandly
enough, "Well, Bill, I don't know that I'd call it
religion exactly, but call it what you may, it works." I
said, "What is it? What do you mean? Tell me more about
this thing?" He said, "Some people came and got hold of
me. They said, "Ebby, you've tried medicine, you've
tried religion, you've tried change of environment, I
guess you've tried love, and none of these things has
been able to cure you of your liquor. Now, here is an
idea for you." And then he went on to tell me how they
explained, they said, "First of all, Ebby, why don't you
make a thorough appraisal of yourself? Stop finding
fault with other people. Make a thoroughgoing moral
appraisal of yourself. When have you been selfish,
dishonest? And, especially, where have you been
intolerant? Perhaps those are the things that underlie
this alcoholism. And after you have made such an
appraisal of yourself, why don't you sit down and talk
it out with someone in full and quit this accursed
business of living alone? Put an end to this Dr. Jekyll
and Mr. Hyde situation into which you have fallen. And
then, why don't you continue this policy of abating the
disturbance in yourself? Why don't you take stock of all
the people among your acquaintances that you have hurt -
all of the people who annoy you, who disturb you? Why
don't you go out to them and make amends; set things
right and talk things out, and get down these strains
that exist between you and them? Then, Ebby, we have
still another proposal. Why don't you try the kind of
giving that demands no reward? We don't mean the mere
giving of money, though you once had plenty of that. No,
we mean the giving of yourself to someone who is in
need. Why don't you try that? Seek out someone in need
and forget your own troubles by becoming interested in
his." Ebby said, "Where does religion come in?" And his
friends went on to say, "Ebby, it is our experience that
no one can carry out such a program with enough
thoroughness and enough continuity on pure
self-sufficiency. One must have help. Now we are willing
to help you, as individuals, but we think you ought to
call upon a power greater than yourself, for your
dilemma is well nigh insurmountable. So, call on God as
you understand God. Try prayer." Well, in effect, that
was the explanation my friend made to me. Those of you
who know a little of the A.A. are already able to see a
little of the basic idea.
You see, here
was my friend talking to me, one alcoholic talking to
another. I could no longer say, "He doesn't understand
me." Sure he understood me. We had done a lot of
drinking together, and gone the route of humiliation,
despair and defeat. Yes, he could understand. But now he
had something. He did not shock me by calling it the
resurrection, but that's what it was. He had something I
did not have, and those were the terms upon which it
could be obtained.
Honesty with
oneself and other people, the kind of giving that
demands no return, and prayer. Those were the
essentials. My friend then got up and went away, but he
had been very careful not to force any of his views upon
me. In no sense could I have the feeling that he was
moralizing with me or preaching, because I knew it was
not long ago that he was no better than I. He merely
said that he was leaving these ideas with me, hoping
that they would help.
Even so, I was
irritated, because he had struck a blow at my pet
philosophy of self-sufficiency, and was talking about
dependence upon some power greater than myself. "Ah
yes," I thought, as I went on drinking, "yes it's this
preacher stuff. Yes, I remember, up in the old home town
where my grandfather raised me, how the deacon, who was
so good, treated Ed M., the local drunk - as dirt under
his feet; and more than that, the old son of a gun short
weighted my good old grandfather in his grocery store.
If that's religion, I don't want any of it." Such were
my prejudices. But the whole point of this was that my
friend had got onto my level. He had penetrated my
prejudices, although he had not swept them all away.
I drank on but
I kept turning this thing over in my mind, and finally
asked myself, "Well how much better off am I than a
cancer patient." But a small percentage of those people
recover, and the same is true with alcoholics, for by
this time I knew quite a good deal about alcoholism. I
knew that my chances were very, very slim. I knew that,
in spite of all the vigilance in the world, this
obsession would pursue me, even if I dried up
temporarily. Yes, how much better off was I than a
cancer patient? Then I began to say to myself, "Well who
are beggars to be choosers? Why should a man be talking
about self-sufficiency when an obsession has condemned
him to have none of it? Then I became utterly willing to
do anything, to try to accept any point of view, to make
any sacrifice, yes, even to try to love my enemies, if I
could get rid of this obsession. First, I went up to a
hospital to ask the doctor to clear me up so I could
think things through clearly. And again, came my friend,
the second day that I was there. Again I was afraid,
knowing that he had religion that he was going to reform
me. I cannot express the unreasonable prejudice that the
alcoholics have against reform. That is one reason that
it has been so hard to reach them. We should not be that
way but we are. And here was my friend, trying to do his
best for me, but the first thought that flashed across
my mind was, "I guess this is the day that he is going
to save me. Look out! He'll bring in that high powered
sweetness and light, he'll be talking about a lot of
this prayer business." But Ebby was a good general, and
it's a good thing for me he was.
No, he did not
collide with those prejudices of mine. He just paid me a
friendly visit, and he came up there quite early in the
morning. I kept waiting and waiting for him to start his
reform talk, but no, he didn't. So finally I had to ask
for some of it myself. I said, "Ebby, tell me once more
about how you dried up." And he reviewed it again for
me.
Honesty with
oneself, of a kind I had never had before. Complete
honesty with someone else. Straightening out all my
twisted relationships as best I could. Giving of myself
to help someone else in need. And prayer.
When he had
gone away, I fell into a very deep depression, the
blackest that I had ever known. And in that desperation,
I cried out, "If there is a God, will He show Himself?"
Then came a sudden experience in which it seemed the
room lit up. It felt as though I stood on the top of a
mountain, that a great clean wind blew, that I was free.
The sublime paradox of strength coming out of weakness.
So I called in
the doctor and tried to tell him, as best I could, what
had happened. And he said, "Yes, I have read of such
experiences but I have never seen one." I said, "Well
doctor, examine me, have I gone crazy?" And he did
examine me and said, "No boy, you're not crazy. Whatever
it is, you'd better hold onto it. It's so much better
than what had you just a few hours ago." Well, along
with thousands of other alcoholics, I have been holding
on to it ever since.
But that was
only the beginning. And at the time, I actually thought
that it was the end, you might say, of all my troubles.
I began there, out of this sudden illumination, not only
to get benefits, but to draw some serious liabilities.
One of those that came immediately was one that you
might call Divine Appointment. I actually thought, I had
the conceit really to believe, that God had selected me,
by this sudden flash of Presence, to dry up all the
drunks in the world. I really believed it. I also got
another liability out of the experience, and that was
that it had to happen in some particular way just like
mine or else it would be of no use. In other words, I
conceived myself as going out, getting hold of these
drunks, and producing in them just the same kind of
experience that I had had. Down in New York, where they
knew me pretty well in the A.A., they facetiously call
these sudden experiences that we sometimes have a "W.W.
hot flash." I really thought that I had been endowed
with the power to go out and produce a "hot flash" just
like mine in every drunk.
Well, I started
off; I was inspired; I knew just how to do it, as I
thought then. Well, I worked like thunder for 6 months
and not one alcoholic got dried up. What were the
natural reactions then? I suppose some of you here, who
have worked with alcoholics, have a pretty good idea.
The first reaction was one of great self-pity; the other
was a kind of martyrdom. I began to say, "Well, I
suppose that this is the kind of stuff that martyrs are
made of but I will keep on at all costs." I kept on, and
I kept on, until I finally got so full of self-pity and
intolerance (our two greatest enemies in the A.A.) that
I nearly got drunk myself. So I began to reconsider. I
began to say, "Yes, I found my relief in this particular
way, and glorious it was and is, for it is still the
central experience of my whole life. But who am I to
suppose that every other human being ought to think, act
and react just as I do? Maybe were all very much alike
in a great many respects but, as individuals, we're
different too."
At that
juncture I was in Akron on a trip, and I got a very
severe business setback. I was walking along in the
corridor of the hotel, wondering how God could be so
mean. After all the good I had done Him - why, I had
worked here with drunks for six months and nothing had
happened - and now here was a situation that was going
to set me up in business and I had been thrown out of it
by dishonest people. Then I began to think, "That
spiritual experience - was it real?" I began to have
doubts. Then I suddenly realized that I might get drunk.
Buy I also realized that those other times when I had
had self-pity, those other times when I had had
resentment and intolerance, those other times when there
was that feeling of insecurity, that worry as to where
the next meal would come from; yes, to talk with another
alcoholic even though I failed with him, was better than
to do nothing. But notice how my motivation was shifting
all this time. No longer was I preaching from any moral
hilltop or from the vantage point of a wonderful
spiritual experience. No, this time I was looking for
another alcoholic, because I felt that I needed him
twice as much as he needed me. And that's when I came
across Dr. "Bob" S. out in Akron. That was just nine
years ago this summer.
And Bob S.
recovered. Then we two frantically set to work on
alcoholics in Akron. Well, again came this tendency to
preach, again this feeling that it has to be done in
some particular way, again discouragement, so our
progress was very slow. But little by little we were
forced to analyze our experiences and say, "This
approach didn't work very well with that fellow. Why
not? Let's try to put ourselves in his shoes and stop
this preaching. See how we might be approached if we
were he." That began to lead us to the idea that A.A.
should be no set of fixed ideas, but should be a growing
thing, growing out of experience. After a while, we
began to reflect: " This wonderful blessing that has
come to us, from what does it get its origin?" It was a
spiritual awakening growing out of painful adversity. So
then we began to look the harder for our mistakes, to
correct them, to capitalize upon our errors. And little
by little we began to grow so that there were 5 of us at
the end of that first year; at the end of the second
year, 15; at the end of the third year, 40; at the end
of the forth year, 100.
During those
first 4 years most of us had another bad form of
intolerance. As we commenced to have a little success, I
am afraid our pride got the better of us and it was our
tendency to forget about our friends. We were very
likely to say, "Well, those doctors didn't do anything
for us, and as for these sky pilots, well, they just
don't know the score." And we became snobbish and
patronizing.
Then we read a
book by Dr. Carrel. From that book came an argument,
which is now a part of our system. (How much we may
agree with the book in general, I don't know, but in
this respect the A.A.'s think he had something.) Dr.
Carrel wrote, in effect; the world is full of analysts.
We have tons of ore in the mines and we have all kinds
of building materials above ground. Here is a man
specializing in this, there is a man specializing in
that, and another one in something else. The modern
world is full of wonderful analysts and diggers, but
there are very few who deliberately synthesize, who
bring together different materials, who assemble new
things. We are much too shy on synthetic thinking - the
kind of thinking that's willing to reach out now here
and now there to see if something new cannot be evolved.
On reading that
book some of us realized that was just what we had been
groping toward. We had been trying to build out of our
own experiences. At this point we thought, "Let's reach
into other people's experiences. Let's go back to our
friends the doctors, let's go back to our friends the
preachers, the social workers, all those who have been
concerned with us, and again review what they have got
above ground and bring that into the synthesis. And let
us, where we can, bring them in where they will fit." So
our process of trial and error began and, at the end of
4 years, the material was cast in the form of a book
known as Alcoholics Anonymous. And then our friends of
the press came in and they began to say nice things
about us. That was not too hard for them to do because
by that time we had gotten hold of the idea of not
fighting anything or anyone. We began to say, "Our only
motive as an organization is to help the alcoholic. And
to help him we've got to reach him. Therefore, we can't
collide with his prejudices. So we ain't going to get
mixed up with controversial questions, no matter what
we, as individuals, think of them. We can't get
concerned with prohibition, or whether to drink or not
to drink. We can't get concerned with doctrine and dogma
in a religious sense. We can't get into politics,
because that will arouse prejudice which might keep away
alcoholics who will go off and die when they might have
recovered."
We began, then,
to have a good press, because after all we were just a
lot of very sick people trying to help those who wanted
to be helped. And I am very happy to say that in all the
years since, not a syllable of ridicule, or criticism,
has ever been printed about us. For this we are very
grateful.
That experience
led us to examine some of the obscure phrases that we
sometimes see in the Bible. It could not have been
presented at first, but sooner or later in his second,
third, or fourth year, the A.A. will be found reading
his Bible quite as often - or more -as he will a
standard psychological work. And you know, there we
found a phrase, which began to stick in the minds of
some of us. It was this:
"Resist not
evil." Well, after all, what is one going to think? In
this modern world, where everybody is fighting, here
came someone saying, "Resist not evil." What did that
mean? Did it mean anything? Was there anything in that
phrase for the A.A.'s?
Well we began
to have some cases on which we could try out that
principle. I remember one case out of which some will
get a kick, and I imagine some others here may be a
little shocked, but I think there is a lesson in it, at
least there was for us, a lesson in tolerance. One time,
after A.A. had been going for 3 or 4 years, an alcoholic
was brought into our house over in Brooklyn where we
were holding a meeting. He is the type that some of us
now call the blockbuster variety. He often tells the
story himself. His name is Jimmy. Well, Jimmy came in
and he was a man who had some very, very fixed points of
view. As a class, we alcoholics are the worst possible
people in this respect. I had many, many fixed points of
view myself, but Jimmy eclipsed us all. Jimmy came into
our little group - I guess there were then 30 or 40 of
us meeting - and said, "I think you've got a pretty good
idea here. This idea of straightening things out with
other people is fine. Going over your own defects is all
right. Working with other drunks, that's swell. But I
don't like this God business." He got very emphatic
about it and we thought that he would quiet down or else
he would get drunk. He did neither. Time went on and
Jimmy did not quiet down; he began to tell the other
people in the group, "You don't need this God business.
Look, I'm staying sober." Finally, he got up in the
meeting at our house, the first time he was invited to
speak - he had then been around for a couple of months -
and he went through his usual song and dance of the
desirability of being honest, straightening things out
with other people, etc. Then he said, "Damn this God
business." At that, people began to wince. I was deeply
shocked, and we had a hurried meeting of the "elders"
over in the corner. We said, "This fellow has got to be
suppressed. We can't have anyone ridiculing the very
idea by which we live."
We got hold of
Jimmy and said, "Listen, you've got to stop this
anti-God talk if you're going to be around this
section." Jimmy was cocky and he said, "Is that so?
Isn't it a fact that you folks have been trying to write
a book called Alcoholics Anonymous, and haven't you got
a typewritten introduction in that book, lying over
there on that shelf, and didn't we read it here about a
month ago and agree to it?" And Jimmy went over and took
down the introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous and read
out of it: "The only requirement for membership in
Alcoholics Anonymous is an honest desire to get over
drinking." Jimmy said, "Do you mean it or don't you?" He
rather had us there. He said, "I've been honest. Didn't
I get my wife back? Ain't I paying my bills? And I'm
helping other drunks every day." There was nothing we
could say. Then we began secretly to hope. Our
intolerance caused us to hope that he would get drunk.
Well, he confounded us; he did not get drunk, and louder
and louder did he get with his anti-God talk. Then we
used to console ourselves and say, "Well, after all,
this is a very good practice in tolerance for us, trying
to accommodate ourselves to Jimmy." But we never did
really get accommodated.
One day Jimmy
got a job that took him out on the road, out from under
the old A.A. tent, you might say. And somewhere out on
the road his purely psychological system of staying dry
broke wide open, and sure enough he got drunk. In those
days, when an alcoholic got drunk, all the brethren
would come running, because we were still very afraid
for ourselves and no one knew who might be next. So
there was great concern about the brother who got drunk.
But in Jimmy's case there was no concern at all. He lay
in a little hotel over in Providence and he began to
call up long distance. He wanted money, he wanted this,
he wanted that. After a while, Jimmy hitchhiked back to
New York. He put up at the house of a friend of mine,
where I was staying, and I came in late that night. The
next morning, Jimmy came walking downstairs where my
friend and I were consuming our morning gallon of
coffee. Jimmy looked at us and said, "Oh, have you
people had any meditation or prayer this morning?" We
thought he was being very sarcastic. But no, he meant
it. We could not get very much out of Jimmy about his
experience, but it appeared that over in that little
second-rate hotel he had nearly died from the worst
seizure he had ever had, and something in him had given
way. I think it is just what gave way in me. It was his
prideful obstinacy. He had thought to himself, "Maybe
these fellows have got something with their
God-business." His hand reached out, in the darkness,
and touched something on his bureau. It was a Gideon
Bible. Jimmy picked it up and he read from it. I do not
know just what he read, and I have always had a queer
reluctance to ask him. But Jimmy has not had a drink to
this day, and that was about 5 years ago.
But there were
other fruits of what little tolerance and understanding
we did have. Not long ago I was in Philadelphia where we
have a large and strong group. I was asked to speak, and
the man who asked me was Jimmy, who was chairman of the
meeting. About 400 people were there. I told this story
about him and added: "Supposing that we had cast Jimmy
out in the dark, supposing that our intolerance of his
point of view had turned him away. Not only would Jimmy
be dead, but how many of us would be together here
tonight so happily secure?" So we in A.A. find that we
have to carry tolerance of other people's viewpoints to
very great lengths. As someone well put it, "Honesty
gets us sober but tolerance keeps us sober.
I would like to
tell, in conclusion, one story about a man in a little
southern community. You know, we used to think that
perhaps A.A. was just for the big places; that in a
small town the social ostracism of the alcoholic would
be so great that they would be reluctant to get together
as a group; that there would be so much unkind gossip
that we sensitive folk just could not be brought
together.
One day our
central office in New York received a little letter, and
it came from a narcotic addict who was just leaving the
Government hospital down in Lexington. Speaking of
intolerance, it is a strange fact that we alcoholics are
very, very intolerant of people who take "dope," and it
is just as strange that they are very intolerant of us.
I remember meeting one, one day, in the corridor of a
hospital. I thought he was an alcoholic, so I stopped
the man and asked him for a match. He drew himself up
with great hauteur and said, "Get away from me you
damned alcoholic." At any rate, here was a letter from a
narcotic addict who explained that once upon a time he
had been an alcoholic, but for 12 years had been a drug
addict. He had got hold of the book Alcoholics Anonymous
and thought the spirit of that book had got hold of him,
and he wanted to go back to his own little southern
town, which was, Shelby, North Carolina, and start an
A.A. group. We were very skeptical of the offer. The
very idea of a narcotic addict starting an A.A. group,
even if he had once been an alcoholic! And here he was
going to try to start it in a little southern town in
the midst of all this local pride and gossip.
We began to get
letters from him and apparently he was doing all right.
He was a medical doctor, by the way, and he told us
modestly, as time went on, about getting a small crowd
of alcoholics together and having his trials and
tribulations. Mind you, we had never seen him all this
time; he had just been writing. He said that his
practice had come back somewhat. And so 3 years passed.
We had a little pin on a map showing that there was an
Alcoholics Anonymous group at Shelby, North Carolina. It
happened that I was taking a trip south to visit one of
our southern groups. By this time the movement had grown
and I had gotten to be kind of a big shot, so I thought,
and I wondered, "Should I stop off at Shelby? You know,
after all, that's kind of a small group." It is a great
thing that I did stop off at Shelby, as you will soon
see. Down the station came a man, followed by two
others. The two in back of him were alcoholics, all
right, but one looked a little bit different. I saw, as
he drew near, that his lips were badly mangled, and I
realized that this was the drug addict, Dr. M. In the
agony of his hangovers he had chewed his lips to pieces.
Yes, it was our man, and he proved to be a wonderful
person. He was really modest, and that is something you
seldom see in an ex-alcoholic. He introduced me to the
others, and we got into his car and went over to the
town of Shelby. I soon found myself sitting at a table
in one of those delightful southern ancestral homes.
Here were the man's mother - and his wife. They had been
married about 2 years and there was a new baby. The
practice had begun to come back. Still, there was very
little shoptalk at that meal; and there is no such thing
as an A.A. meal without shoptalk. I said, "Indeed, this
fellow is a very modest man, I never saw an alcoholic
like him." He spoke very little of his accomplishments
for the group. And then came the meeting that night.
Here, next to the barber shop in the hotel, on the most
prominent corner in Shelby, was the A.A. meeting room,
with "A.A." looming big up over the door. I thought,
"Well, this chap must be some persuader."
I went inside
and there were 40 alcoholics and their wives and
friends. We had our meeting; I talked too much as I
always do, and the meeting was over. I began to reflect
that this was the largest Alcoholics Anonymous in all
America in proportion to the size of the town. What a
wonderful accomplishment! The next morning, my telephone
rang in the hotel. A man was downstairs and he said,
"I'd like to come up. There are some things you ought to
know about Dr. M. who got the A.A. group together in
this town."
Up came this
individual, and said, "You know, I too, was once an
alcoholic but for 22 years I've been on dope. I used to
meet our friend Dr. M. over in Lexington, and when he
got out of there and came back here, I heard he'd beaten
the dope game. So when I left, I started for Shelby, but
on my way I got back on morphine again. He took me into
his home and took me off it. Yes, I used to be a
respectable citizen of this state, I helped organize a
lot of banks here, but I've heard from my family only
second-hand for many years. It's my guess you don't know
what southern pride is, and you haven't any idea what
this man faced when he came back to this town to face
the music. People wouldn't speak to him for months.
They'd say, "Why this fellow, the son of our leading
doctor, goes away, studies medicine, comes back, and
he's a drunk, and after a while, he's on the dope. The
townspeople wouldn't have much to do with him when he
first came, and I'm ashamed to say that the local drunks
wouldn't either, because they said, we am' t going to be
sobered up by a dope addict. But you see, Dr. M. himself
had once been an alcoholic, so that he could get that
indispensable bond of identification across. Little by
little, alcoholics began to rally around him."
My visitor
continued, "Well, that was the beginning. Intolerance,
misunderstanding, gossip, scandal, failure, defeat, all
those things faced our friend when he came into this
town. And that was 3 years ago. Well, Bill, you've seen
his mother, you've seen his wife, you've seen his baby,
you've seen the group. But he hasn't told you that he
now has the largest medical practice in this whole town,
if not in the county. And he hasn't told you hat he has
been made head of our local hospital. And I know you
don't know this - every year in this town the citizens
have a great meeting at which they cast a ballot, and
last spring, at the annual casting of the ballot, the
people of this town almost unanimously declared by their
ballot that Dr. M. had been the towns most useful
citizen during the 12 months gone by." So I thought to
myself, "So you were the big shot who planned to go
straight past Shelby." I looked at my visitor and said,
"Indeed, What hath God wrought!"
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