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STEP 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
How It Works
We have a list of all persons we
have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.
We made it when we took inventory. We subjected
ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal. Now we go out to
our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We
attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated
out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show
ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask
until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning
we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
-A.A. Big Book p.76
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Learning how to
live in the greatest peace, partnership and brotherhood
with all men and women, of whatever description, is a
moving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has found
that he can make little headway in this new adventure of
living until he first backtracks and really makes an
accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he
has left in his wake. To a degree, he has already done
this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has
come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how
many people he has hurt, and in what ways. This
reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps
forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at
first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of
surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great
advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal
themselves that the pain will be lessened as one
obstacle after another melts away.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve
Traditions, p. 77-78
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Step Eight is a social
housecleaning, just as Step Four was our personal
housecleaning. In Step Eight we're setting out to clean
up all the bruised relationships and the pockets of
guilt, pain, fear, resentment, and sadness that are
stored inside, stuck to our shameful past deeds. For
this un-dealt with material blocks us from loving other
people, ourselves, and God in the present.
It's as if God were saying, "Okay,
now you want me to take all of your character defects,
fine. Then you can be free and serene and the person I
want you to be. But first you must see that almost all
your troubles involve other people. You've tried to
control them one way or the other or fix them; you have
guilty or resentful feelings about them; or you have
been so preoccupied with yourself and your feelings,
dreams, and plans that you have ignored them emotionally
and caused them to experience some of their worst fears
of being deserted. Now I want you to face what you have
done and own your part in hurting each person in your
life so you can move into the future I have for you
unencumbered by the past and beginning to understand how
not to keep repeating the mistakes of that past.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 135-136
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The Eighth Step is not easy; it
demands a new kind of honesty about our relations with
other people. The Eighth Step starts the procedure of
forgiving others and possibly being forgiven by them,
forgiving ourselves, and learning how to live in the
world. By the time we reach this step, we have become
ready to understand rather than to be understood. We can
live and let live easier when we know the areas in which
we owe amends. It seems hard now, but once we have done
it, we will wonder why we did not do it long ago.
...The final difficulty in working
the Eighth Step is separating it from the Ninth Step.
Projecting about actually making amends can be a major
obstacle both in making the list and in becoming
willing. We do this step as if there were no Ninth Step.
We do not even think about making the amends but just
concentrate on exactly what the Eighth Step says which
is to make a list and to become willing. The main thing
this step does for us is to help build an awareness
that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes
about ourselves and how we deal with other people.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text,
Chapter 4/Step 8
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Step 8 is the more specific
person-to-person application of the shame-reduction that
was begun in Steps 4 and 5. ...
Implicit in both Steps 8 and 9 is
the assumption that we carry a toxic residue of shame
from virtually every incident in which we have hurt,
rejected, or ignored others. Steps 8 and 9 provide us
with the opportunity to reduce this guilt by setting
things right again. We should be cautioned, though, that
we need to work through and grieve our underlying
resentment, hurt, anger, and pain before trying to make
amends to those who have also offended us. Otherwise, we
are putting a bandage on a festering, cancerous sore,
because the toxicity is still there. Only after it has
been excised can we release our resentments with a high
degree of emotional integrity.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve
Step Recovery, p. 58,59
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We will know we are ready and
willing for this step when we can apologize to those who
hurt us, when we don't follow the philosophy of "an eye
for an eye" and cross off the list those who have gotten
revenge or those whom we feel "deserved" our ill
treatment. This step is not about judging others. We
need to pull back into out humility and learn to replace
judgment with attitudes of mercy and forgiveness.
Whether our "enemies" ask for it or not, it is our
responsibility to forgive them in our hearts and then
apologize for our wrongdoing. This is the only attitude
that will lead to emotional resolution.
We need to demonstrate a spirit of
good will. In this spirit, we assume that no one has
harmed us on purpose, that any pain inflicted on us was
an accident of circumstance. We give them the benefit of
the doubt. It is not our job or our concern to mention
their transgressions or faults.
Don't forget to make amends to
those from whom you have borrowed money or to whom you
owe money. Instead of empty apologies, make payments on
your debts...
- The Twelve Step Journal, by
Claudette Wassil-Grimm, p. 224-225
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Reflecting on all levels of your
awareness is very important to a thorough Eighth Step.
When making a list of the persons you have harmed,
consider the following:
The name of the person who has
been harmed...
Memories of harm done...
Thoughts about the harm...
Feelings about the harm...
Intentions you now have...
Amends you can make for the harm
caused...
- A Gentle Path Through the Twelve
Steps, by Patrick Carnes, p. 159-160
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