STEP 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
How It Works
This is perhaps difficult,
especially discussing our defects with another person.
We think we have done well enough in admitting these
things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In
actual practice, we usually find a solitary
self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it
necessary to go much further. We will be more reconciled
to discussing ourselves with another person when we see
good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first:
If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome
drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep
to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to
avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to
easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having
persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered
why they fell. We think the reason is that they never
completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all
right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock.
They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear;
they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they
had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and
honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they
told someone else all their life story.
-A.A. Big Book p.72-73
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All of A.A.'s
Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural
desires ... they all deflate our egos. When it comes to
ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five.
But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime
sobriety and peace of mind than this one.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve
Traditions, p. 55
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Some people seek an easier and
softer way by doing a "general confession" to God alone.
They are not about to name specifically the humiliating,
"awful" thinks they have done out loud before another
human being. But this act of specifically confessing
things is what often leads to serenity. The more afraid
you are to tell about a certain act or thought in your
Fifth Step, the more likely it is that confessing that
particular thing will put a new crack in your denial and
free you in a new area. There doesn't seem to be an
easier, softer way, and people who seek one apparently
don't understand the tenacious and tricky nature of this
spiritual disease we are facing. Step Five is to help us
see, to grasp, to understand specifically how the
disease has permeated our lives in ways we usually
cannot see any other way.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 91-92
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The Fifth Step is the key to
freedom. It allows us to live clean in the here and now.
Sharing the exact nature of our wrongs sets us free to
live. After taking a thorough Fourth Step, we have to
deal with what we have found in our inventory. We are
told that if we keep these defects inside us, they will
lead us back to using. Holding on to our past would
eventually sicken us and keep us from taking part in
this new way of life. If we are not honest when we take
a Fifth Step, we will have the same negative results
that dishonesty brought us in the past.
...Our Higher Power will be with
us when we do this, and will help to free us from the
fear of facing ourselves and another human being. It
seemed unnecessary to some of us to admit the exact
nature of our wrongs to our Higher Power. "God already
knows that stuff", we rationalized. Although He already
knows, the admission must come from our own lips to be
truly effective. Step Five is not simply a reading of
Step Four.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text,
Chapter 4/Step 5
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This may be one of the most
challenging steps we face in our recovery process, but
it can also be one of the most fulfilling in terms of
removing us from our isolation. In order to accomplish
Step 5, the three-part sharing it endorses must take
place. That is, all of what we discovered about
ourselves in our Step 4 inventory is to be freely
admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human
being.
...Because these areas are so
sensitive and so very personal, it is important to
exercise care in choosing the person or persons with
whom we formally share our fifth step. Such individuals
should be trustworthy and somewhat detached from the
situations about which we will share. For example, one
would not usually calll on a spouse or immediate family
member to hear this confession. In fact, it is quite
common to choose a therapist or pastoral counselor for
this purpose. Also, such individuals should be
compassionate, not condemning.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve
Step Recovery, p. 45,46
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